Ask @DadandBuried: Should I Let My Child Quit Drum Lessons?

Is it more important to teach your child perseverance or stop the whining?

By Mike Julianelle January 2, 2020

When it comes to raising kids, there are so many questions of what should I do? When wondering what to do, it’s usually our first instinct to ask our friends for their advice. So, we asked Mike Julianelle, the 40-something father of two behind @dadandburied, to share his honest, hilarious, tell-it-like-it-is advice to your parenting questions. This month’s question: Should I let my child quit music lessons?

My son was dying to take drum lessons, so I signed him up and bought him a practice pad. Now, a few weeks later, he doesn’t want to practice and says he hates playing the drums. Should I force him to stay with it because it’s important to learn commitment, or let him quit and figure out something else he’s passionate about? —Allison R., Astoria, Queens

This is a tough one, and I feel for you. I can’t imagine allowing my son to play the drums in the house. The kid is a walking migraine already! But hey, more power to you. As for the actual question—is it more important to teach kids perseverance and commitment than it is to stop the whining? It’s not an easy one.

My 9-year-old likes two things: video games (Zelda) and reading (Percy Jackson). We encourage the latter, and we try to limit the former by promoting a wider range of interests beyond screen-time. But it’s not easy! I’m not sure if you know this, but children are stubborn. And often lazy. And sometimes annoying. And mine talk too much. Plus, they won’t go to bed on time. And don’t get me started on the snacking. Also—wait. I’ve gotten off-track.

I think you need to gauge your son’s personality before making a decision. Does he have a track record of bailing on things? Or is this truly a case of the drums just not being for him?

If you’re secure in the fact that percussion just isn’t for him and that there’s something else out there to wet his whistle, something he’ll give 110 percent to, I see no need to belabor it. But if it’s part of a trend—if he tends to quit activities he enjoys when the going gets tough—then maybe it’s a good idea to put on the black hat and force him to keep at it.

Just make him practice in the basement.

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